I Hate You Jin Kazama!
by MatadorSandwich
Summary: This story chronicles Miguel's annoyance-ridden journey to kill Jin Kazama but along the way he ends up with Alisa Boskonovitch who begrudgingly becomes his partner in crime. What misadventures await? Rated T for Miguel's potty mouth!
1. 01 Jinmania

**I Hate You Jin Kazama!**

**Author's Note/Intro:**_ This is going to a very random story based on a simple plot of, yes, revenge! But it's misadventures with Miguel and Alisa ranging from drinking to karaoke bars et all. Maybe everyone will be or seem OOC, but I wanted to portray Alisa as this eccentric, perky, curious and childlike personality and Miguel as...well Miguel. Angry, quick to piss off, Miguel. Angry sexy, angry Miguel. And of course, Tekken favourites will appear along the way to trouble him. I have been struggling with writing for a little while due to shyness and writers Berlin wall block, so this may lag badly. But I hope you enjoy anyway! And shower Miguel with love. Eh I'll do that x_

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**Miguel Caballero Rojo had seemingly prowled half the world in search of the broody, poster boy of the Mishima Zaibastu, defacing Jin related propaganda and burning endless supplies of merchandise almost religiously, paying tribute to his intense loathing and rage. But much to his seething fury, Jin Kazama (a.k.a. brooding catalogue model) was no where to be found and carved more furiously than a Christmas turkey. Make no mistake, one of these days Miguel was going to turn him into bone dust and hope the dogs will snort it up.**

**The image pleased him immensely. "Heh." **

**Much to the bewilderment of the Spaniard, Jin had gone so power hungry that he had actually shut down every single major fast food joint and oh-so-originally renamed it "McJins/Burger Jin/JFC". Although hot-headed Miguel felt Jin-mania consume his murderous whim, he wanted to save it for the big day itself.**

**He found himself petulantly glaring at behind the counter inside **_**McJins,**_** expecting one of his gormless employees to unfurl in melodramatic wails of "please don't hurt meeeee! I'll tell you where that bitch Kazama is!" Dismay set in when a pair of cheerless eyes meet his, her black and red uniform perfectly emulating Jin's usual colour scheme. **_**No doubt he's got these fucking idiots dressing like him too**_**, Miguel's mind drones on.**

**The employee huffs audibly as if entering her own personal inferno in delivering the same old tired opening line, "Welcome to McJins. You have your own King of Iron Fist Tournament experience dining out here. And all for low, low prices." Explicit exasperation seals the blonde in a sharp turn of her head, narrowly missing Miguel's frown.**

**"Where is Jin Kazama?" he demands.**

**"You want the Jin Kazama special?" she scoffs, "Everyone wants the Kazama special! Never the Heihachi chicken special. Or the Kazuya wedges. Drip and rip Kazuya shaped potato-"**

**"Senorita, I won't ask again." An irked Miguel leans in closer, "Where is Jin Kazama?!"**

**The girl arches an eyebrow, "You want the action figure that comes with the meal don't you?"**

**Miguel bangs his head against the counter, "Stupid bitch." **

**"So rude." The young lady folds her arms, "Don't you have respect for the past glory that is Lili Rochefort dishing you up swill and morsels?"**

**Silence.**

**Carelessly, Miguel shrugs. "Uh who? And who cares?"**

**"You **_**will**_** care." Lili smiles sinisterly, her narrowed catlike.**

**"Ah." Miguel points at her accusingly, "I get it. You all know where he is!"**

**"What's your business with Kazama?" Lili shudders at the mention of his name, getting herself into a fluster. "Ooo that man!" One employee in strained politeness reminds her of the golden McJin rules, particularly the one where you **_**do not use Jin's name in vain for he is the new Burger King, the new Ronald McDonald (minus all the connotations and make up) and the new Colonel of Chicken**_**, **_**all hail Jin Kazama!**_

**Miguel harshly laughs, "The new Hitler has got you all under his cajones eh? Well..."**

**The Spaniard brashly stalks off and lies down in the middle of the vacant dining tables, "...this is only stage one. Unless you tell me where the fuck he is, it'll get worse from here."**

**The employees look twitchy, bar Lili, all shifting strategic signals with their body language making Miguel grin in sardonic amusement from ear to ear. As much as he wanted to soil his hands with the blood of his enemy, he can have some fun along the way too making his loyalists and fans very, very uncomfortable with his reckless antics.**

_**Fun for Miguel, hell for the rest.**_

**"We want you to leave this minute!" one employee jabs faithfully and zealously in mid air, "No one soils the name of our Jin Kazama!"**

**Handfuls of fangirls in the diner suddenly swoon, convulsing passionately in semi consciousness at the mere mention of their hunky idol. Sure he was destroying half the world with war, fast food joints and over-hyped cashing in on his brand, but according to the squeals of the devoted, he was **_**hot stuff**_**. One hovering girl dropped her fully posable and attire detachable Jin action figure square on Miguel's face. As if a bull to red rag, Miguel promptly ripped of its head.**

**A tsunami of gasps erupted throughout.**

**"Lili!" screeches one Jin loyalist, "You were in that Tekken tournament last time, take him out with the trash!"**

**"Yeah but she lost all her daddy's money too!" sniggered one unkindly before the others followed suit, the formerly elegant heiress furrowing her brow in peevish vigour. Lili reluctantly approaches the rebellious Spaniard, surprising him with a sharp kick to his side as he spirals off the table.**

**"Ay, a feisty chica eh?" he smirks, holding the area where he was kicked.**

**"My burger making services and false smiles..." Lili dramatically tilts her head upright, "...are for my father!"**

**"Ay..." Miguel sneers, "You won't get rid of me so easily."**

**Soon enough, he was back outside with a sandwich board he hastily made with the help of local hobos that read in capitals: **_**MCJINS GIVES YOU HERPES. **_**The rebellion against the diner ended in mayhem, as Lili's attempts failed to remove him ending up with the Tekken Burger Force swiftly throwing him across straight into the front of a nearby skip.**

**"Please don't tell my father!" Lili cries out quickly before being promptly escorted back to monotony. **

**"¡Cabron!" **

**After what seemed a lifetime, Miguel steels himself and manoeuvres himself to his knees. **

**A perky voice rings out. "Sir? Are you alright?"**

**"Ugh..." he barely mumbles a coherent answer.**

**"Ugh..." the voice repeats to herself quietly before abruptly becoming more audible, "Interjection, used as an exclamation expressing disgust, aversion, horror or the like. Also a noun, the sound of a cough, grunt, or the like!"**

**A bemused Miguel tilts his head to see a pair of inquisitive green eyes blare at him, blinking Bambi like and she subtly smiles. "Did you just...recite a dictionary definition from the top of your...?" **

**She nodded enthused. "Yes sir. I was just confirming your response mechanism."**

**"Huh?"**

**"You seem to expressing disgust, aversion or horror, sir." **

**"Well what do you expect after being hurled by a couple of..." Miguel intentional raises his voice in the direction of McJins, "**_**bastardos**_**?"**

**"You seem to be responding very angrily!" **

**Silence. The girl peers at him as though fascinated, with childlike curiosity. Taking in all his features with a meek flutter of her lashes, she spots a dash of red upon his cheek.**

**"You're staring at me." Miguel doubtfully glances back.**

**"Your mechanism is red!"**

**"What?"**

**"Blood!"**

**"Ah." A dismissive swat in mid air, "De nada. Nothing compared to what I know. And nothing compared to what Jin Kazama will get."**

**"Jin Kazama?" **

**Miguel scoffs. "I'm surprised you're not swooning and fainting over this tragic case."**

**"Jin Kazama, new CEO of the Mishima Zaibastu. Now cult and mass phenomenon, well known for his chiselled and boyish good looks and for perfecting the trademark brooding, angst like pose. The Adonis of moody men."**

**"Ay." Miguel slaps his forehead, "Photographic memory and no mistake. Must you make me remember all his...his....fucking deeds?!" **

**"Fucking," the pink haired lady innocently inhales, "a curse word that-"**

**"Ey, ey, ey." Miguel launches upright and clamps a gloved palm over her lips, "I didn't ask for a dictionary! Hell I didn't even ask for you to be here, watching over me like some walking candy floss. That is candy floss on your head right?"**

**A iron grip clamps around his wrist, promptly removing his silencing.**

**"What the-?"**

**"I am Alisa Boskonovitch," her sugary smile contrasts her tough handling, "And you are...?"**

**Bedazzled Miguel doesn't reckon on who he's dealing with here. "Formal, aren't you?"**

**"We all have names to barcode us and tell us apart yes?"**

**The Spaniard exhales.**

**"Miguel Caballero Rojo."**

**"Nice to meet you!" she sweetly enthuses, "Wow, I do not know what came over me. I'm sorry if I hurt you."**

**Miguel takes back control of his hand, suspiciously eyeing the young girl. However as surreal as this was, Miguel knew he had better things to do then deal with **_**the walking candy floss head**_**.**

**To his annoyance, she follows like a stray dog.**

**"What are you doing?" **

**"Going with you."**

**"Hahaha." Miguel brays in disbelieving laughter, "I think not."**

**Alisa innocently blinks, "Why not?"**

**"Because."**

**"Because why?"**

**"Ay mierda."**

**Alisa's eyes twinkle, "Shifting from English mode to Spanish mode. 10, 9, 8..."**

**Miguel at once backs away, but cannot take his eyes off the doll like Alisa who suddenly rambles to him in a fully sugary and sweet Spanishathon.**

**Wide eyed and visibly angry, he retorts: "Won't you just **_**fuck off**_**?"**

**"Modo de español a modo de Inglés...diez, neuve, ocho..."**

**Miguel is speechless.**

**"Mister Rojo?"**

**Shaking off his disbelief now. "Look I don't need you getting in my way."**

**"Why not?"**

**"No offence carino, but you're already pissing me off."**

**"You want to find this Jin Kazama..." Alisa approaches gently, "I may be able to help track him down."**

**"Oh? You loyal to him?"**

**"I am lost." Alisa sheepishly shuffles, "My father always told me not to wander off too far. But I wished to see what it is like outside."**

**"Heh. Your papa overprotective or a complete bastard like mine?"**

**"My father..." Alisa looks straight at Miguel, "...created me." **

**"Uh...of course he did. He and your mother got it on!"**

**"No no no. Not via reproduction."**

**"You're a sperm donor's child?"**

**"Not via sperm." Alisa struggled to explain, "He actually **_**created**_** me."**

**Several nearby Tekken Burger Force members were all jigging triumphantly at yet another good job done, as Alisa suddenly removed her own head and as if about to blow a perfect game, she viciously hurled it in their direction, sending the team flying in all different directions. One standing member belly laughed at one member's undergarments stuck on an adjacent lamppost.**

**Miguel was amused but at once amazed at the robot's head regenerating.**

**"Joder..."**

**"Yes sir." Alisa bows cheerfully.**

**"Wow." Miguel blinks unsteadily. "Just..."**

**"Your response is one of amazement but one of shock and horror too."**

**"Stop doing that!" **

**Alisa obeys at once, "I apologize Mister Rojo."**

**"Look, if you really can track down Jin Kazama, you being all..." Miguel points in surprised stupor, "...maybe you can float around. But you got to promise not to say one word, or get in my way! Understand chica?"**

**Alisa nods, "Not one single syllable. Not one verb. Not one exclamation. No-"**

**"¡Vale!" Miguel silences her sharply with a point. "You get the idea. Now shut up and let's get going."**

**"O-" Alisa covers her mouth with a delicate gloved hand.**

**So it begins. The insipid overuse of the name Jin Kazama, one angry matador and a sugary sweet Russian robot.**

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Outro:**_ Fun to write that was. Whether it was good or not, eeeeeh never mind I tried eh? I never claimed to be the greatest like Paul Phoenix continuously reminded us all in Tekken 5. "Number 1 this and number that". But anyway, what awaits sexy Miguel? Will he get Jin Kazama's blood soon enough or will Alisa annoy the hell out of him some more? Yes! Tune in next time, drop a line or some food or drink. I'm thirsty x _


	2. 02 One for Sorrow, Two for Joy!

**Author's Note/Intro:**_ Sorry this took so long! I would like to thank my three reviewers for their kind words and patience! Here is part 2 finally up! This is for you! As for the plot, it's kind of aimless on purpose. It's an alternate take on the **Tekken 6** timeline, a very humorous attempt, which will interlink with another upcoming story that is a take on Lili's perspective which will be set if her **Tekken 5** ending was true and she did become bankrupt (which explains why she was working in Kazama Fried Chicken ahahha)! That story interlinks in this timeline, but we will see that another time. I think this story is a comedy with a surreal edge and warmth deep within. Enjoy the second chapter and let's drink to the third! The good news is, I think I got some scenario for this "plot" in stone. Bad news is, I don't know if it's any good XD I have severe doubts and a lack of confidence as my writing has been on a literary roller coaster as has my life. But I will do my best! At least I'm trying right? x _

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**02: One for Sorrow, Two for Joy!**

**No sooner had Miguel actually let some robogirl meander in his quest for vengeance did some sort of unease dwell in his soul. If **_**she **_**had that kind of power removing her head in blasé fashion and erupting, **_**imagine the destruction in her limbs**_**. And he was imaging what it could do to Kazama.**

_**Having her detached head near his pretty boy face to distort it with a crippling bang! **_

**Miguel's face morphs into a diabolic chuckle, prompting Alisa's head shift to his direction. "Mister Rojo?"**

_**Damn I was enjoying the silence. **_

**"What?"**

**"You appear pensive!"**

**"Hmm." Miguel indifferently murmurs.**

**"What are you reflecting in your system?"**

**Amusement steels Miguel. "System?"**

**"Your...hardware!"**

**Miguel forces back an immature snort. "You mean brain?"**

**"Yes! Do speak it aloud!"**

**If Miguel could throw a punch every time he spoke a thought that was met with scorn and horror, he'd be rich in charges for GBH. Bright eyed Alisa waits ever patiently and curiously, strolling closely in tune to his brash stalking as he soon sharply turns to aimlessly enter a dinghy alleyway. Miguel began to feel that aimless wondering was getting no closer to pilling heavy ton weights on Kazama's face. **

**"Take your time sir!" she sweetly interrupts his dominant silence. **

**"¿Que?"**

**"I will be gladly awaiting to hear what is on your mind!"**

**"Why so...eager?"**

**"I am curious at heart Mister Rojo. My father often tells me curiosity is a great insight. That, and that it killed a cat."**

**Miguel was bemused, letting out an inward scoff that was suddenly met with excited approval. "Oh! You are showing your thoughts in a breath! **_**Amazing**_**!" **

**"Callate la boca..." he hisses under a rasp.**

**"Mister Rojo?"**

**Impatience and intolerance twists in his tone. "**_**What?**_**"**

**"Why do you hate Jin Kazama?" she innocently enquires.**

**Miguel is struck by mental paralysis, deathly silent in response. Alisa hovers at his side with rapid fire questions at the ready. "Is it because he is now a global icon?"**

_**Joder. In his dreams.**_

**"Is it because he is as big as Madonna Ciccone, the singer-songwriter, failed actress who won many Golden Raspberries in her career and possibly failed director?"**

_**Pah.**_

**"Is it the sin of envy?"**

**Miguel scoffs. **_**Lo que sea**_**.**

**"Is it because of his dashing good looks that is displayed at every nook and cranny, further punctuated by his fans and fangirls?" Alisa muses, "Men want to be him and women want to be with him?"**

_**Shut up, shut up, shut up.**_

**"Is it a racial issue?"**

**Miguel stops, shooting a point blank look of disbelief and a loud tut.**

**Alisa emits a slight and graceful wince. "No. I did not think so. I did not have you down as a racist. That was a bad choice of a question."**

_**Shut up.**_

**"Did he-?"**

**"¡Dios! Don't you ever shut up!" Miguel snaps vehemently with a fist against the alleyway walls. "You ask so many fucking questions! You remind me of when my sister was litt-"**

**The Spaniard is reduced to aptly cutting off in a momentary pause, resting his weary head against the brick. Alisa appears at his side, feeling deep concern and remorse as she gingerly pets his arm. "Oh no!" she exclaims, "I appear to have offended you! Please forgive me. I broke our clause!"**

**"Hmm?"**

**"I vowed not to even exhale a syllable. Or a verb. I am very sorry!" Alisa somewhat beams apologetically, "I...I feel like the cat curiosity killed." Miguel looks down at the five foot four Russian and into her fluttering emerald eyes.**_** For someone who claimed to be a robot, her compassion seemed pretty sincere.**_

**"Lo que sea," he shrugs emerging as his brash self once more. "Alicia, you said you could track Kazama?"**

**"Alisa."**

**"Sorry. I mean Alisa."**

**"I am Alisa Boskonovitch. Daughter of..."**

**"Whoa!" Miguel tries to silence her, "I don't need another introduction Alisa-"**

**"...Doctor Geppetto Boskonovitch, one of the great minds of our time!" Alisa grins in the face of Miguel's annoyance, "I am talking too much again. Yes?"**

**"Tan mucho."**

**"I am going to attempt to track Jin Kazama like you requested," she nods obediently, "yes sir. I will give it a try, but I need a signal. Please hold!" Nonchalantly, metal wings sprout around her spine and she bounces upright, jetting upwards at high speed. Dumbfounded Miguel is left to his devices on ground at the end of the alleyway, wondering how he ran into his pink haired wonder and what possessed him to even **_**let her tag along**_**.****He was a loner by trade and nature, his innards better had a damn good reason for this. **

**Regenerating heads? Flying? What next? Her bright pink hair could generate candy floss to feed happy children with until they vomit?**

**Sparks and stars behind his eyes and he smirks back any amazement he feels. Okay, so what if he was impressed?**

_**Heh.**_

**Alisa soon descends gracefully onto her feet in a lilac and pink blur back into stillness. Smiling somewhat smugly, she dispenses: "I never did see the sky so blue!"**

**"W-what was that?"**

**"Was what Mister Rojo?"**

**"That! ¡Volaste!" **

**"Oh!" Alisa gleefully looks set into launch to explanation mode much to Miguel's visible chagrin, "Father installed-"**

**"So...you're a robot chica?"**

**Alisa shakes her head with sing-song laughter. "No. I am me."**

**Miguel glances pensively. **_**I wonder if she even knows who she is. **_

**"I flew to see if I could get a better connection. Connection in this area are very poor. I cannot seem to get much information right now."**

**"What are you? A telefono movil?**

**A eureka moment lit up in Alisa's eyes as she sporadically points at the end of the alleyway, "I believe if you hold me up here, I can get a bigger signal."**

**"No tengo tiempo por esto-"**

**"Right here!"**

**Enthused Alisa pounces into Miguel's unsuspecting arms, hoisting upright herself and awkwardly. **

**"¡Venga ya!" he growls.**

**"I have it!"**

**Gracelessly, the Spaniard and Russian topple over onto the public walkway hard. "Keep it in your pants!" a unkind passerby cackles crudely. **

**"Go fuck yourself!"**

**Rolling his eyes, Miguel soon realizes that Alisa is under him, giggling away sickly sweet. Quite a compromising position as crowds passing by wolf whistle and takes snaps on their phones. **_**Welcome to the Kazama age**_**, Miguel sighs deep down and getting up from Alisa's dainty. He grows amused at her innocence and naivety when she dazzlingly props herself to her knees and gawks in wonder at spectacle of the crowds.**

**"Wow Mister Rojo! They are so full of joy and laughter!"**

**Taking her gloved hand to assist Alisa upright, made Miguel break into a slight smirk. And it didn't take Alisa long to notice it was genuine. **

**"You...smile too." Alisa blinks up child like, her hand still in his. "Oh!"**

**"Hmm?"**

**"I managed to locate Jin Kazama as you asked. He is not far, fifteen minutes away to be exact. In "Happy Jins", a new Chinese food buffet restaurant chain to the North!"**

**Bloodthrist stole his smirk and spread Miguel's smile as he impulsively grabs her doll like face. "¡Pude basarte!"**

**"I am happy you are happy!" Alisa gleefully bounces on the spot.**

**Soon a blonde whirlwind seemingly appeared out of the urban abyss, storming through petulantly as ever decking a Jin loyalist here and there with swift kicks and chops to the gut. **

**"¡Ey!" Miguel points at the hubbub, "You're the chica who threw me out of that greasy restaurant earlier!"**

**Lili Rochefort looks every inch a lady scorned, eyes narrowed as she haughtily dusts off her palms. "Ah yes! You're that Jin Kazama hater!" Looking immensely pleased with her handy work, she giggles mightily. "I decided to ditch that Kazama Fried Kitchen joke of a job! I'm ready to pulverize him that will."**

**Miguel raised a brow. "Good for you chica." he sarcastically enthuses.**

_**That pretty boy is gonna be mine to fucking murder, not yours little lady.**_

**"You want to get even with him too right?" Lili has her hands on her hips, "Count me in! I'm coming with you!"**

**Alisa nods and claps merrily and Miguel looks set to pull off his own face. **_**Fuck no, this isn't Charlie's Angels.**_** A horrible cheap montage ran through his mind as he visualizes he, Alisa and this Lili reenacting female empowerment cop shows with high kicking antics.**

**"¿Que?"**

_**Right.**_

_**First this robot. Now the superico girl. Give a guy a break!**_

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_******Author's Outro:** Oh hell no! First Alisa, now Lili? Will Miguel's revenge ever be free of obstacles? Don't worry Miggy, Jin is around the corner! Will he smash the proverbial out of him? Will Lili become rich again? Will Alisa stop asking questions and smiling needlessly? Probably not, but send me reviews and some food! Thanks, love and respect! x_


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